ADDITIONAL STORIES

Tess cheerleading. Tess was born with Down syndrome which had been diagnosed in utero.

Joseph Michael Evers: Diagnosis: Anencephaly

I was 24 years old, had been married for 3 months and I became pregnant. Before I go on any farther, I’d like to say that both my husband and myself are both Catholic. This is our story.

My husband was working in the yard when I yelled out the front door for him to come into the house. He opened the door, I took his hand and pulled him inside, I placed a pregnancy test in his hands and he asked me what this was, I exclaimed to him that he was going to be a daddy. We embraced and hugged and were so happy, but our tears of joy soon become tears of sadness.

Twenty weeks into the pregnancy, we attended a routine ultra sound. Despite our enthusiasm during the appointment, the ultra sound technician was less than thrilled with the images she was seeing on the monitor. I asked her if the baby had all ten fingers and all ten toes? The technician answered with a quiet yes. The technician wasn’t willing to give us any of the ultra sound images. We had to beg the technician for the pictures and when she finally gave us two they were of the baby’s spine. The confusion progressed for us as the technician immediately took us into an examination room. I thought it was strange because our appointment with the doctor wasn’t for another hour.

In that very room we learned the somber news about our pregnancy. Our baby was diagnosed with Anencephaly, a congenital absence of the brain, with the cerebral hemispheres completely missing or greatly reduced in size. The doctor explained it as a deformation of the head. We were in absolute shocked. It was something that you would hear about happening to someone else or on TV, we just couldn’t believe it was true, there had to be a mistake. Our obstetrician informed us that the baby was "incompatible" with life and they should consider terminating the pregnancy. I was told three times in the same visit to terminate the pregnancy, I felt as if I had no choice!! The doctor said that she would see us in four weeks unless we decided to continue with the termination.

I can’t find the words to explain how I felt that day in the doctor’s office. When we left the doctor’s appointment we felt as if we didn’t have a choice. For us terminating the pregnancy was against everything we believed. On our way home from that appointment I told my husband that I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t have an abortion. I told him that we needed to find a different doctor, one who would support our decision to carry this child full term. Fortunately for me, my husband was in total agreement and believed a new doctor was the best decision. I was so angry with the doctor for even suggesting termination.

A few weeks later, another ultra sound with a fertility specialist confirmed the first diagnosis. I was apprehensive about the appointment with the specialist. I didn’t want to hear another doctor tell me that I should terminate this pregnancy. I was not having an abortion but we were very fortunate to have met a specialist who was compassionate and he even cried with us. He never spoke of termination and he respected our wishes. Before leaving the specialist, I asked for pictures from the ultra sound and we received two images. The first image was of our babies two tiny feet pressed up against the screen and the second was of our baby’s face. Looking at that baby’s face, I tried to rationalize termination, but I couldn’t.

Once the decision was made to carry to full term we endured four long months until the delivery of our baby. There were no baby showers, there was no crib to assemble, and the room that was intended to be a nursery remained a spare room. Instead of painting walls and hanging wallpaper for a baby’s room, we made funeral arrangements for our baby. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, but I don’t regret one single moment.

Something we were not prepared for was the reaction we received from co-workers and friends. There were people close to us that thought we should have an abortion; we didn’t know what else to say to them so we told them that we chose "life" for our child. I remember a friend telling me that I had to have an abortion because she was worried about what the baby was going to look like when I delivered. At that point in the pregnancy, I didn’t care what he looked like. I could feel the baby moving inside of me my husband could feel the baby kick. Brain or no brain, this baby was alive and growing inside of me. Although it was an unpopular decision with some, we remained focused on a healthy delivery.

I prayed daily for a healthy baby, however, I realized that what I was asking for was a miracle. Towards the end, instead of praying for a healthy baby, I prayed for God’s will. If it was God’s will to take our baby, then I wanted Him (GOD) to at least give my husband and me a little bit of time with our baby alive.

On January 8, 2002, our prayers were answered. After eleven hours of labor, Joseph Michael was born. When he came into this world the nurses immediately put a white cap with blue trim on his head and put him in my arms. When I held Joseph, once again I saw that little face from the ultra sound pictures. How could anyone have suggested terminating this precious child in my arms?

When I noticed his breathing was getting shallow, I asked the nurse to take him so he could have his picture taken. I couldn’t bear the thought of Joseph dying in my arms. After two hours and thirty-four minutes of living, Joseph died. Although we endured a tragic and painful lost, neither of us regretted the decision to carry Joseph to full term. I believe there is a reason for everything. This experience brought me closer to my husband and closer to God. It made me realize the power of prayer.

Joseph was only here for a few short hours but he touched so many lives. Our families were in the delivery room with us. We became closer and stronger in our faith that day. Joseph Michael made us more conscious of how precious life is, especially from the moment of conception. It made us more aware of other parents going through the same thing. There wasn’t a moment during the pregnancy that I doubted our decision. If anything, I received tiny messages from God affirming that we had made the right decision. Many times, before and after the delivery, we were told by people in our parish and our community that we made a wonderful choice and they were proud of the choice we made for our baby and for God. I believe our decision gained us the respect of many people. And hopefully our decision changed the way some people view abortion. I know we made the right decision, if Joseph were alive and we found out he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, we would do everything we could to give him a chance at a healthy life. We wouldn’t have him die as soon as we learned of his condition. It’s no different if the baby is outside the womb or inside the womb.

Despite the disfigurement of this face and the harsh reality of his condition, the hospital picture of Joseph is respectfully displayed in our home. When I look at that picture I think what the doctor told us in the office that day she said my baby would be incompatible with life. But what she didn’t realize was that Joseph was compatible with life, with us and with God.

We are now the proud parents of a beautiful saint in heaven and two very healthy boys here on earth.

I believe that our mission through Joseph Michael is to help other mothers and other parents thru similar situations. I believe if telling our story can save the lives of other babies, even if it is just one, then we have done what God intended for us to do.

Thanks for letting me share.

Kimberly A. Evers

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Seeking to Adopt Special Needs Child

I am replying to any one that is needing a family to adopt their unborn baby with Down Syndrome.  I already have a son that has Down Syndrome, along with Spina Bifida Occulta, Mild Autism, He is a Britel Diabetic (from Birth<RARE), immune disorder, along with liver tumor.  I know all the long nights, I am a stay at home mom who works part time doing Census work for the government.  This is the only job I can have do to doctors appt., therapy and schooling my son.   I have spent several weeks at the hospital with my son, and I don't believe in leaving him there for the nurses to take care of, he is my son, not theirs.  I also have a 9 yr old and a 17 yr old, my husband works and spends quality time with all of us after work about 2 hrs.  We wanted to have another baby but have decided on adoption instead.  Special needs babies need homes also with lots of love and patience.  We have both.   The Vandivier family, Christie, Tony, Ashley, Kate and Joshua. 

christie_vandivier@yahoo.com

My Child, My Gift: A Positive Response to Serious Prenatal Diagnosis

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To contact author, please email Madeline Pecora Nugent