My Child, My Gift:

 A Positive Response to Serious Prenatal  Diagnosis

 A well-researched yet easily understandable, positive guide when you need to make sense out of what seems to be senseless.

"If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hope."

---Clement of Alexandria

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Table of Contents

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Preface

Testimonials

Endorsements

Babies in Prayer

Additional Stories

Melody Fruit: A Parable

If You Had a Termination

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The room was quiet, too quiet. There was not even a sound emanating from the ultrasound machine. The radiologist was avoiding my gaze as she intently studied the screen. I redirected my head, shifting my eyes to my husband. I smiled a hopeful smile. Suddenly, the radiologist turned and bluntly addressed us, "I see gross anomalies with this baby. We'll have to call your doctor." In an instant, my dreams of a beautiful, precious baby evaporated and I was plummeted into a swirling nightmare. Inside, I was drowning, gasping for air, choking on the bitter knowledge that something was very wrong with my baby. Although the sun was shining and all around me bustled with life, the storm inside me raged and torrents of tears rushed into my pillow. Yet God did not abandon me, for, by His grace, I was rescued. I realized that this baby was my child, my gift, to love unconditionally for as long as I would have her. (Doreen, mom of Gianna who was born with Trisomy 13 and holoprosencephaly)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MY CHILD, MY GIFT:

A POSITIVE RESPONSE TO SERIOUS PRENATAL DIAGNOSIS

Because Joseph was diagnosed in utero with anencephaly, My Child, My Gift was written. Joseph was born on his due date and lived five days of love in his parents' arms. Here is a tribute to Joseph by his sister Alexandria M. Hassell, age eight:

My Hero

I have a very special hero. My hero is my little brother. His name is Joe. My little brother passed away when he was five days old. Joe is my hero because he showed me that not everyone is here forever. When he died, it also showed me that I am a very lucky person because not everyone has a little brother in heaven that always watches over you. The five days I spent with him were the best five days of my life. We thought he was only going to be here over night, but we were wrong. We had a lot of fun with him. I fed him, got him dressed, and gave him a bath. The night he was born, I could not sleep. Then the next day we had to let my mom rest so I took care of Joe. Then a couple of days passed and my principal told me that we had to go to the hospital because something happened. I got there and Joe had passed away. When I heard the news, I felt like I was empty inside and very lonely, but for some reason, I kind of knew that he would always be with me. That's who my hero is. (Alexandria M. Hassell, Joe's sister. Joe was diagnosed in utero with anencephaly.)

While we were at the doctor's office, they gave us some literature. There weren't any testimonies about keeping the baby or having the baby and placing her in a home or up for adoption. The only option seemed to be abortion. I think if there were some stories that gave some kind of hope it would be possible to choose something other than abortion. My children know they have a sister in heaven, but they do not know how she died. It is very difficult to discuss Josephine (that's her name) with them. One reason is that I hate having to lie to them and I know that one day I will share the truth with them. Too many people know the truth, so one day they will also know the truth. One of the saddest things about this is that if Josephine died naturally, I would be able to share her with my other children. (We have 5 other children). My greatest wish is for others to listen to stories like these. I try to tell some of my family and friends how much I regret the abortion when I get the chance to talk about it. (Francesca, mom of Josephine who was diagnosed with multiple disabilities and who died by saline injection to the heart prior to "pregnancy induction" at thirty- six  weeks gestation) 

Upon my baby's diagnosis I was given a booklet that was not very helpful at all. The overwhelming majority of the cases in the book decided to terminate their pregnancies. There were only a couple of stories of carrying to term, so that in itself said a lot. I definitely could have used a book with LOTS more stories of people who chose to carry their babies despite a bad diagnosis, and their reasons why and how they found the strength. (Jewell, mom of Joyann who was born with anencephaly)

The timing of your book couldn't be better. As of right now, women/couples are not given the available options when they receive the horrible news about their unborn baby. As was the case with me, I was told I "must terminate." My doctor was extremely difficult the entire time. In retrospect, I realize that I took him down a road that he would rather not have traveled down, due to his own personal biases (and I'm sure also his fear of malpractice, etc). With all the sophisticated prenatal testing available, women need and are entitled to hear ALL of their options, not only the termination option. And if they choose to continue the pregnancy, they should be given the appropriate referrals for support. (Donna, mom of Jonathan who was born with Potter's Syndrome)

I think parents need to research the after-effects of termination. There is little statistical evidence on long term effects, but what little can be found is pretty compelling. The key in this whole thing has been to listen to my heart, and that is something doctors do not take kindly to anymore. Intuition and inspiration are not scientifically quantifiable, so people are reluctant to trust them. Parents need to trust their own judgment even if it conflicts with medical advice. To do not just what sounds logical, but what feels most peaceful. I wish there were easy solutions, but there are not. Even when there is just one marker of a potential genetic disorder, doctors are SO negative, and so ready to offer termination as a means to make sure there is no problem! What an illusion that is! Not only are they compounding a problem with another, but there ARE no guarantees. Birth accidents cause cerebral palsy, babies develop respiratory distress, premature labor occurs, disease goes undetected. The only security in life is to take things as they come, and handle them as best you can. At least then you have a clear conscience and can go forward without added burdens. (Laura, mom of Sidney who was born with a lethal form of dwarfism) 

For most of us, confronting the unknown and facing those things over which we have no control makes us fearful. But courage is not facing obstacles without fear – it is facing obstacles DESPITE our fears. Knowing we did everything possible for our child regardless of the outcome can give us a great sense of peace and relieve us of the “what ifs” that could haunt us in the future. We can realize strength within us that we never knew existed. (Debbie, mom of Braedon who was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome)

"God's gifts are never what we expect. The trick is not to be fooled by the wrapping paper, but to open the gift."

-- Paul and Nancy Cullivan

My Child, My Gift: A Positive Response to Serious Prenatal Diagnosis

To contact publisher, please email New City Press

To contact author, please email Madeline Pecora Nugent

 

Would you like to have a copy of this book mailed to a particular physician, health care provider, geneticist, member of the clergy, place of worship, educational institution, library, pregnancy counseling agency, friend, relative, or other individual? Or can you give them a copy of this book? The Confraternity of Penitents supports the distribution of this book to such groups and individuals and offers a $5 discount on each book so ordered through the CFP Holy Angels on-line gift shop. See this link for more information.