My Child, My Gift
A Positive Response to Serious Prenatal Diagnosis
IF YOU HAVE HAD A TERMINATION
You may have already terminated a pregnancy. This book may have recalled certain memories and caused you pain. It is important to accept the facts. One can only move on from there.
Certain words were likely used to soften or mask the facts. You were asked or told that you had to decide when deciding was not necessary.
The words "pregnancy termination" or "pregnancy induction" may have been used. However, natural hormones will induce all pregnancies eventually and every pregnancy will terminate on its own.
Most pregnancies terminate with a living baby. The intention of your "pregnancy termination" or "induction" was to produce a dead baby. The commonly applied term for this is abortion.
You were probably given much encouragement to end the pregnancy and very little to continue it.
You may have felt unable to cope with carrying your baby to term and making plans for your child.
You may have wanted the situation to be over quickly.
You may have felt that your decision would prevent your child or others from suffering.
Whether or not you thought your choice was good, right, and/or loving then, you now are thinking more clearly.
You now can see that the decision to terminate was yours. Despite what could have been great pressure, no one actually forced a termination upon you as it is forced about women in China. And yet you had many accomplices in your decision. They must be acknowledged, too.
Those who encouraged the woman to have an abortion, to kill that baby, by words, action, or sins of omission, or who did the gruesome work of the abortion, have an equal share in that guilt. One consequence of this for the people involved is disunity. Those who collaborate in abortion and who do the grisly work, or who promote it in any way, have a deep aversion for one another that comes out in all kinds of disordered behavior. (Joan, mom of an aborted child)
After delivering my dead my baby, we were given that opportunity to hold her. My husband couldn’t bring himself to hold her or even look at her. I held her little body in my arms and I cried. I still didn’t realize how wrong this all was. The clinic staff and the doctor complicated matters by making everything seem normal. What happened to us, and what continues to happen to others every day, is the furthest from normal as you can possibly get. They take pictures of the baby and give you an urn for the ashes. The doctor talks about the grieving process, and uses terms like “miscarriage abortion” to somehow make you believe your child was meant to die. Everything is twisted. The financial cost for “making your dreams come true”, as is advertised on one website whose abortionist does late-abortions, is substantial. For us it was over $7,000.00, which we charged on an American Express card. Blood money-we gave him $7,000.00 and he killed our baby. (Dina, mom of Josephine, diagnosed with multiple disabilities and who died by saline injection to the heart prior to "pregnancy induction" at thirty six weeks gestation)
You will have discovered that those who encouraged you to "induce your pregnancy" or supported the "termination" do not want to hear any more about it. You are on your own in dealing with the memories and regrets.
We abort for convenience only to find out that we will never have convenience again. The doctors and everyone else involved in abortion all bank on one aspect--that you will forget. That you will forget what you have done to your poor innocent child. (Eric, father of Emmanuelle, diagnosed with a brain anomaly, who died by saline injection to the heart prior to "pregnancy induction" at twenty four weeks gestation)
Fully admit to yourself what you have done. At the same time, recognize that you probably acted in confusion and under duress. Even if you seemed certain at the time and at peace, you were responding to a shut down of your maternal instincts. Whatever your exterior demeanor was, interiorly you were desperate. Desperate people often make poor choices which they later regret.
While we were in Kansas we were told over and over that we were doing the right thing. Ultimately, it was our decision to make, but never once were we told of the joy our child could bring, even through her pain. Never once did anyone mention any other options. I realized later that we were given our “options” with the basic understanding that we shouldn’t have the baby. Oh, how I wish I had the courage to stop everything and go home. Unfortunately, I was too weak and dazed to help my child. I will never “get over” this; I go on and I do have a happy life. But I will never be able to change the fact that I am responsible for the death of my child. It’s something that I can only learn how to live with. (Dina, mom of Josephine, diagnosed with multiple disabilities and who died by saline injection to the heart prior to "pregnancy induction" at thirty six weeks gestation)
Acknowledge your decision. Ask forgiveness of your child and name him or her if you've not yet done so.
If you are a person of faith, seek out a member of the clergy and share your story.
You may also want to assist other women in continuing their pregnancies. You can do this via on line web support groups and by volunteering at prolife crisis pregnancy centers. You can find a center near you via the internet at http://www.optionline.org/ or by calling 800-395-HELP. If you are not in the United States, you can locate a prolife crisis pregnancy center near you at http://www.covenantnews.com/pregnant/ or by phoning the Catholic diocese in your area and asking for referral. Most prolife pregnancy centers are not run by the Catholic Church, but the Catholic diocese ought to have a list of the prolife pregnancy centers on hand.
You may wish to become part of or to begin a perinatal hospice for women whose babies are diagnosed with fatal or very severe conditions in utero. The perinatal hospice's intent is to support the parents and allow the baby to be born and to die naturally. Those who oppose carrying a fatally ill or severely compromised child to term will also likely oppose a perinatal hospice. Speak to a Catholic or Christian hospital which should be more supportive of this idea.
You cannot bring your child back. Nor can you undo the past or erase a decision. But you can move forward. One woman who had an abortion now is helping other men and women who, like her, regret their abortion choices. "My abortion was evil," this woman says. "God did not will it. But God can bring good out of evil."
Work and, if you have faith, pray, to bring some good out of your child's death so that he or she will not have died in vain.